Home Octane Daunted by Dirty Talk? A Shy Guy’s Guide

Daunted by Dirty Talk? A Shy Guy’s Guide

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By Dr. Megan Stubbs

Someone once said that a picture is worth a thousand words, but clearly that person lived before the time of dick pics and sexting.

Despite tech-driven innovations in wooing, one shouldn’t underestimate the ancient art of aural sex in which we use our words and imagination to paint a picture that cannot be captured in an image. While dirty talk may be just using our words, something we do every day, it can be one of those nuanced things where it can be absolutely perfect or it can fall flat and sound like the record skipped.

Some people shy away from dirty talk because they don’t even know where to begin. They’ve seen bad movies with bad one-liners and can still feel the sting of the character’s epic verbal fail. They don’t want to feel silly and embarrassed. Fear not! With a little guidance, you can be talking dirty with the rest of them. Much like sex with a new partner, you can bring all of your past knowledge to the table, but you’ll probably have to make adjustments for what works best for your partner. It’s all part of the process. Whether you are deep in the throes, waiting in the grocery line together, or across the country connected by your screens, this art of verbal seduction can send your or your partner’s heart racing.

There is something to be said about a great back and forth of sexual mental tennis.

Now I don’t suggest you employ your foul-mouthed skills just anywhere. There is a time and place for this. It isn’t advisable to suddenly launch into a dirty diatribe with someone you don’t already know, so make sure this would be a welcomed addition to your relationship.

If you find yourself separated from your partner, you can employ these skills over text to arouse and build anticipation with your partner. It’s also great if you’re feeling a little nervous about doing this in person. Starting off with something simple like:

“I can’t wait to play with you tonight.”

“Work is really difficult for me today. I keep thinking about what we did last night.”

“I just got out of the shower, and I wish you were here right now.”

These fairly tame phrases can be the gateway to opening up the conversation into something more explicit. Bonus points if you can incorporate multiple senses.

“I love how wet you get for me. I want to taste you.”

“I want to feel your warm, wet pussy on this cock.”

‘I want to hear you say my name while I’m in you.”

Get creative with it. The key is to make sure the phrases are well-timed and flow with your conversation. There is something to be said about a great back and forth of sexual mental tennis. It’s also necessary to make sure that your communication comes off as authentic. If you’re not a profanity user or your partner doesn’t welcome that kind of language, don’t feel like you have to use it. Play within both of your comfort zones and, most importantly, have fun.

Even if you’ve mastered digital conversation, when it comes time to do it IRL, some people can feel a little trepidation on how to initiate the verbal play. If you’re starting from nothing, dip your toes into the dirty-talk pool with some simple moans and groans. Give a sigh or have a catch in your breath. Becoming vocal during the act will make you more comfortable when it comes time to say it with words.

If you’re feeling shy or not sure what to say, just stick to basic phrases. Simple can be sexy.

“Mmmm”

“I love it when you _____ my _____.”

“That feels so good.”

Everyone loves compliments, and these simple phrases sound super erotic when said into your partner’s ear. Just giving a verbal play-by-play of what is happening can heighten the experience. As your confidence builds, you can start to incorporate more detailed phrases. Contrary to its name, dirty talk doesn’t have to be explicit or obscene. You can absolutely play around with it and build a fantasy story, praise and stroke your partner’s ego, give orders, or simply tell a partner what you’re about to do to them.

“What if we were having sex in front of others right now?”

“You’re the best I’ve ever had.”

“Touch yourself for me.”

“I’m going to fuck that pretty face, you dirty girl.”

But don’t forget that what goes on during erotic talk does not necessarily translate into real life. For example, your partner might like it when you call them a whore during sexting or in the bedroom, but they may not like being called a whore in public. Talking dirty is done for mutual enjoyment and should never be used maliciously against your partner.

I know dirty talk can seem daunting, especially if you’ve never done it before, but the best way to conquer that fear is to just try it! Start off simply and build from there. Don’t worry if you misspeak, just laugh it off and keep going. You may have heard the phrase ‘give her the D,’ but consider giving her the B (brain). Our mind is our largest sexual organ, so why not try stroking that for a change?