About six months ago, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. Now I’ve changed my mind. The ring cost me a small fortune, and I would like to get it back. Where do I stand?
She should return it. The modern woman doesn’t need a consolation prize. Legally, she probably doesn’t have to return it. A court may rule that an engagement ring is a “conditional” gift – the condition being that the marriage takes place. But take a deep breath before you pursue this. If her family has to eat any deposits on canceled wedding arrangements, the ring is your contribution. If that’s not the case, it still might be wise to consider the ring as you would a stock pick that didn’t go your way. Say goodbye, then take a fresh look at the market.
My husband has asked me to expose more of myself in public and become the sex kitten of his fantasies. I’m shy, but I could do it. It seems harmless and sort of fun. He’s not asking for nude cartwheels, just a casual attitude about buttons and less-careful changing at the beach. I think I’m average; he thinks I’m a gift from the heavens (fair-skinned natural blonde with all the right details for him). We tested gently, and I liked his reaction. But I can’t help thinking this is what prostitutes and unfaithful wives do. I wonder why a happily married man wants other men to see his wife’s personal areas. He says it’s for our sex thrill, not theirs, plus it’s an ego trip. I’d like a second opinion. Is he sick? Is our marriage in trouble? He always has made me believe I’m special. Is it OK to show it all to please him?
Of course it’s OK. Your husband realizes how desirable you are, and he enjoys watching reactions from less fortunate men. Your innocence turns him on even more. That’s human nature and there‘s nothing wrong with it. If you keep experimenting, you may find your limits expand with experience. But don’t overlook the appeal of private shows. Other men blink; your husband can stare, and you should remind him regularly why that’s special. Loosen the bell on your robe and lean over to talk to him while he’s reading the morning paper. Let him catch you undressing, kick him out and leave the door ajar. Slip into a short skirt, lose your panties, climb into he backseat of the car and play taxi driver and fare as you shift around and he readjusts the rearview mirror. You have breasts, an ass, the small of a back, a belly and two legs for many reasons. One of them is to drop men’s chins.
I inherited my grandfather’s fedoras. Growing up, I always liked his hats and thought he looked good in them. But when I wear them, people laugh or make comments such as “Hey, Indiana Jones!” Should I give up on them? What would you do?
AR, Port Elizabeth
If the fedoras fit your sense of style, persevere. People making such comments are likely challenged by selecting a baseball cap.
My husband has been staying up late to look at porn on the computer. He says he can’t fall asleep otherwise. I tell him he can always wake me, but he says he doesn’t look at the site because he wants sex. Do many men use porn to fall asleep?
Many men use masturbation to fall asleep. That’s fine as long as it doesn’t affect the sex life you share. Online porn is easier for a quick release than waking the wife, and we’ve never felt that every orgasm has to involve a conversation. That goes both ways.
Last night I was with the woman I’ve been dating for about two months (I’m 21, and this is the first girlfriend I’ve had). I told her I loved her. She replied that she “really likes me.” This was like a kick to my chest. I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night thinking about it. I feel like breaking up with her, even though I know I wouldn’t find anyone better for a long time. What do you think?
She did you a favor. You’re not in love, not after eight weeks. You haven’t seen this woman at her worst, and there’s too much lust and emotion involved to accurately gauge how you’ll feel for the long term. As we’ve said before, love is a process, not a revelation. If you’re hoping for a relationship rather than just a romance, tell your girlfriend that you didn’t mean to scare the shit out of her; if that’s what you did. Whatever it’s called, at this point all you know for certain is that you enjoy being with her.
Three months ago I took up golf. I visit the driving range or course twice a week, but I am getting blisters on my thumbs. Am I holding the clubs too tightly? Would it help to wear gloves on both hands?
Holding your clubs with a death grip is a common beginner’s mistake. Have the club pro take a look – and soon, before you ingrain any bad habits. But even if you have a perfect swing, expect blisters if you don’t play every day. One study found that a golfer must pull the grip of a driver with more than 100 pounds of force during a fast swing to keep from falling forward. A slow swing requires 30 to 40 pounds. That causes some wear and tear. “When you shake hands with tour players, their hands feel like sandpaper,” says Shaun Humphries, who works with many pros as director of instruction at Cowboys Golf Club near Dallas. “Yet they still fear blisters. Tiger Woods often puts medical tape on a finger or pinkie because he doesn’t want his hands to split, especially in cold weather. Lee Trevino always wore a glove with tape on the outside around his thumb. If a golfer stays the course, he’ll get calluses. In the meantime there’s nothing wrong with using two gloves, although it may be enough just to tape your thumbs.”
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Published in Playboy South Africa July 2013