How do you plan a bachelor party?
– DN, Centurion.
We always recommend PG-13 parties rather than XXX. Hiring a stripper or prostitute is almost always a bad idea, because someone is going to be uncomfortable, including, perhaps, the groom. Besides, we’ve always had more fun playing golf or paintball or soaking up a rugby game than we’ve ever had at a strip club. The best advice we’ve read comes from The Playboy Guide to Bachelor Parties, whose author, James Oliver Cury, says simply, “Do what’s best for the groom.”
How much should I tip?
– HS, Newcastle.
For food service the rule, as you know, is 15 to 20 percent. If the service is poor, leave 10 percent but don’t exit without talking to the manager about your dissatisfaction. Never stiff a server or leave a penny; that makes you an asshole. When should you tip in other situations? The way we handle this is to tip whenever we find ourselves asking, “Should we tip?” And when deciding on an amount, the first number that comes to mind is usually dismissed with the thought that it’s a little too much. But go with it; better to give a little more than you might have than regret not giving more later.
Which penis type do women prefer? I’m of average length and above- average girth and worry about it. I haven’t had any complaints, but what is the truth?
– RO, Durban.
They prefer a penis attached to a guy who doesn’t worry about what type of penis length to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse, so you’re doing well in that department. But no competent lover relies on his erection alone. If she likes the entire package, she’ll like the one between your legs.
How long does it take to get over a relationship? I dated a girl for four months and everything was perfect. She said she could see us married and that she would be stupid to ever leave. Then, out of the blue, she dumped me. It was an intense relationship, which I’ve been told is quicker to fizzle. But that doesn’t make me feel any better. – CA, Bloemfontein.
You’re not yourself right now; let us handle the rational thinking. This woman seemed flawless because she didn’t have enough time to drive you crazy, as any person you know well will eventually do. Scientists who have observed the brains of the recently rejected say that after an initial period of anger, a person experiences a spike in dopamine not unlike the rush of falling in love. This is what causes “frustration attraction,” that feeling that compels you to plead for another chance, explains biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, author of Anatomy of Love. Unfortunately, dramatic gestures work only in the movies; in real life people typically embarrass themselves. Better to hit the reset button, focus on the road ahead and help your dopamine levels return to normal with sunlight, novel activities and exercise. You’ll know you are over someone not when you hate him or her but when you are indifferent.
Twenty years ago my girlfriend introduced me to her family. When I met her older sister I instantly knew I loved her more than my girlfriend. She was engaged at the time and is now divorced, with two children. I married my girlfriend, and we also have two children. I once confessed to my wife that when we make love I sometimes think about her sister. She rolled her eyes and said, “Keep dreaming.” I’ve told my sister-in-law I find her attractive, and she always greets me with a kiss on the cheek. We’ve talked on the phone for hours about our jobs, stress, romance, sex, and parenthood. What can I do? – AV, Johannesburg.
Unless your sister-in-law feels the same, which we doubt, there’s not much you can do. It’s known as unrequited love, and it sucks, especially if you see the object of your affection regularly. But while your brain screws with you by letting you fall for the unattainable, it also allows you to override your emotional response and rely on reason. In other words, you can recognise that though these feelings are natural and universal, nothing is going to happen and you need to maintain boundaries. Your wife will never be as exciting as a woman just beyond your reach, so it’s unfair to compare the two. The key is, your wife loves you back.
At what point do two people become a couple? I say it’s the first time they’re expected to attend an event as a unit. – CS, Cape Town.
We say it’s when they’ve both seen each other on the john.