Grrrrrrrrrr…

If there is one toy I will not throw out of my cot (or double bed), it ’s a tomboy. Does this make me a cougar? Cer tainly not, since I don’t go around baring my cleavage and canines at young boys. Well… at least I never bare my teeth. Unless they’ve been whitened.

Personally, the term cougar – used by the media to describe older women preferring younger men – sets my very teeth on edge. Still, I suppose it’s better than being called a Sugar Mommy. Not that they are the same species at all. The Sugar Mommy ruled in the eighties and nineties. She was normally a rich divorcé or widow, and her toyboy was nothing more than an expensive lap dog, pun intended.

She was the Cher of her generation – hard bodied, hard assed and a little bit scary. The type who would serve your balls with spaghetti while she sips a dry Martini, dripping diamonds and bitterness. The cougar, on the other hand, is easier on the eye, and more fun to handle. She can be as young as 35 but is mostly older than 40.

She prefers men at least eight years younger than herself. The biggest difference between her and a Sugar Mommy is this: a cougar is hunting for sex, not for company in her old age. Of course the cougar of today was in her twenties when the Sugar Mommy ruled Planet Boy. Interestingly, research shows that the cougarin-training was also part of the original chick-lit generation. This generation grew up on literature promising romance, love and amazing sex.

They believed they could have it all. Some of them did. However, some of them came to the end of their love story to find that there was no happy ending. Of course it can be quite a shock to wake up at 40 and realise that you have spent all your time perfecting the flawless sponge cake or power point presentation only to watch your husband waltz off into a different sunset. So you wake up – in the middle of your life and at the height of your sexual peak – and realise that you are… VERY …HUNGRY. Also, this time around you are good at maths. You know this: 20 can go into 40. Easy. Big Time. You could call it a sex-sex situation. There are quite a few legends abound about how the “cougar” got her name. The most popular one is that a college boy was asked by his older aunt to hook her up with his friends. The result was a dating site with the name cougar.com.

Officially, a cougar is a mountain lion or puma – and apparently in the eighties this term was used by some men for older women who would prowl bars at closing time and hit on younger, drunk men who were desperate to score. In other words, they hunted small, defenceless prey. Another similar story has it that the Canadian Canucks Hockey Team called the older single women who came to their games “cougars.” Interestingly, the TV-Series Cougar Town, about an older woman who is released into the dating wilderness, was named after a real-life football team by the co-creator, Bill Lawrence. In an AOL interview he explains how the team in his parent’s home town is called Tigers and the town, “Tiger Town.” Hence Cougar Town – and a very sexy cougar called Courteney Cox.

Wherever the term comes from, it does conjure up an image of a predatory animal. Provocative it surely is. Physically, I can understand the comparison. Cougars are good hunters. Older women are confident. They know their way around the bedroom (a positive effect of being around the block a few times). Cougars are solitary night-time hunters.

These women often enjoy their new-found singledom. They might hunt in packs or have children, but essentially they are single and not too keen to be someone’s wife for a while. Cougars are secretive and prefer to stalk their prey at close range, using the element of surprise. For me, this is the truest comparison. Younger men are often pleasantly surprised by the sex kitten that is hidden under the cougar clothing. A cougar is at her sexual peak, in need of sex with no strings, and is without the emotional angst of a 20-year-old. In short – she is the perfect woman.

Only older. Also, don’t forget that the cougar is the only wild cat that purrs… Then, again, I am biased, being a retired cougar myself. I went the younger route. Why? Because I could. Cougar-critics sometimes tut-tut about the fact that a tomboy surely can’t hold a decent conversation. “Conversation?” I always gasp. “Who needs conversation???!!!” Of course, when a man struts into a bar with a 20-year-old on his arm, no one asks him about the conversation.

They know he’s going to get some. But a woman! Surely she would want more… “What about commitment?” stutter my women friends who have not tasted young flesh yet. At which point I would stage whisper, “Who needs commitment when you can come?” Men my age or older often warn me against younger men. “Young men only go for older women because they know that cougars are desperate for sex. It is all about sex. Nothing else,” they say…. And the point is? Not that I think cougars are desperate for sex. Yes, we want sex. But we don’t want just any old sex. We demand mind-blowing, all-night-long, no-inhibitions, hot, steaming sex. A boy with a hot body is the perfect conversation stopper when you don’t feel like talking. Who cares if he can’t keep up a conversation if he can keep it up? My friends surely don’t. Both have been recently divorced after 20-year-long marriages. Commitment and conversation were what they settled for then. Now they want action and satisfaction. Both were adamant that they would not go the toyboy route. They have both since changed their minds. Friend One now has interesting playmates such as Phil the Thrill and BigBoy. Formerly into crafts, she is now big into waxing – and I don’t mean candle making.

Friend Two has found a new sexual freedom with her toyboy that has turned her into a sex-crazed fl asher (her words
not mine). Just the other day she had me in stitches explaining how she drove all the way to his house dressed in only sexy underwear and a coat. There he was treated to her, clad in suspenders and high heels, ready to fulfill his every wish. Like a tasty take-away with boobs.

However, like with any game, there are rules. If you ever find yourself with a beautiful older woman, be aware: she is probably a cougar. Cougars are not to be tamed. They are not household pets. They are wild. Therefore, remember this rule: catch and release. Always release…
by Erla-Mari Diedericks
Published by Playboy South Africa October 2011